Two-minute Tosca

Everything you’ve NEVER wanted to know about Puccini’s sordid tale of intrigue, lust and murder. In verse. Take that, you shabby little shocker. Shame on you.

Cavaradossi was quite at a loss, he
loved Tosca who thought he’d betrayed her.
She found he’d been painting a blonde, blue-eyed bimbo,
and wrongly assumed that he’d laid her.

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Two-minute Trovatore

As if opera weren’t daft enough already. It’s remarkable how much absurdity can be wrung from almost any plot if you put your mind to it. Putting MY mind to it tends to involve an awful lot of shortening and rhyming. Take that, Il trovatore. Serves you right for being so ridiculous.

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